


Chill me, Thrill me, Fulfill Me

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Holidays, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-19
Updated: 2004-06-19
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: A sick rat gets the assignment of a life time.





	Chill me, Thrill me, Fulfill Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Title: Thrill Me, Chill me, Fulfill Me

 

Author/Pseudonym: Ursula

 

Fandom: X Files

 

Pairing: Skinner/Krycek

 

Rating: PG

 

Status: Snippet finished

 

Date Posted: 6-19-04

 

Archive: FHSA 

 

 

E-mail address for feedback: Fan4Richie or Ursula4X@aol.com

 

 

Classification: Snippet, humor

 

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: 

 

Web Site: http://www.fhsarchive.com/stories/Ursula.html

 

Disclaimers: No profit, fan fiction for fun

 

 

Notes: Amazon X had a cold. Following X File fandom tradition and with tongue in the cheek homage to the immortal Imajiru, I wrote her a comfort snippet.

 

 

Warnings: Nah

 

 

Time Frame: Think Krycek before Piper Maru

 

 

 

 

Chill me, Thrill me, Fulfill me (For Amazon X and her Cold) Sk/K

 

Love, Ursula

 

OooOooO

It was hot and he had a fever. His head hurt. His cute little nose was stuffed up. He couldn’t hear right. His body ached. In short, Alex Krycek had a cold and felt like hell.

 

After staggering to the bathroom and turning on the shower, Alex had stood, coughing and sneezing in the chilly water long enough to feel slightly more human. He would have just stayed, but his legs started to give out and he had to go back to bed.

 

A pitcher of ice cubes and a liter of ginger ale didn’t do much good. Alex was too miserable to try to drink any. 

 

Sleep had eased his misery for a while, but now the damn cell phone was ringing and ringing. Oh why, oh why, oh why had he once thought it amusing to set the ringer tone to ‘Pavane for a Dead Princess’?

 

“Krycek,” Alex spat into the cell phone before dropping it. He climbed out of bed, almost fell, and collected his slightly less functional cell from the floor.

 

“Alex, is that you?” Spender’s voice inquired.

 

“I’m sorry, but the party to whom you are speaking is not available,” Alex replied, his dead-on impression of Lilly Tomlin’s telephone lady spoiled by a bout of coughing.

 

“Alex, don’t make me take disciplinary action,” Spender said sternly.

 

“Yeah, right,” Alex said.

 

The cell phone was cutting out again. Spender had changed providers and the latest service worked fine . . . if you were outside, standing on a tall object, with a megaphone in hand, and the other party was nearby. Whoever heard of budget cuts for evil? Evil was supposed to have all the money! What was the purpose of being evil if you didn’t have the benefits? Spender, however, was always shopping for cheaper cell phone plans, made Alex stay in Super Eights, and recently forced Alex to use a glass held up to the wall to ‘bug’ Mulder’s apartment. Not only that, but he had given Alex used copy paper to take notes. Most of it was still in his attaché since Mulder had done nothing but watch bad movies, eat take-out, and jerk off to porn for the entire week.

 

“It’s time to eerk ahw zzz Skinner,” Spender’s voice said.

 

“Huh?” Alex asked, sounding somewhere in the vicinity of a flat worm in intelligence.

 

“Zzzz php php ill Skinner. Th ZXZ php ill Skinner,” Spender said, “What part of it can’t you understand! Now get on zz php zz . . .”

 

“Yeah, boss,” Alex answered as the cell phone faded out.

 

Grabbing a roll of toilet paper because he had run out of tissues, Alex wiped his nose and tried to decide what he was supposed to do. Something about Walter Skinner. He had heard ‘ill’. Was he supposed to kill Skinner? Shit, when had Walter become dispensable?

 

It must be his ‘pucker up and kiss my ass’ comment, Alex thought. Not that he would mind that. Hey, wait, Alex thought. That was it! He was sure he had heard ‘th’ and then ‘ill’. He wasn’t supposed to kill Skinner at all. He was supposed to ‘thrill’ Skinner. Damn. Hot Damn. The assignment he always hoped he would have and here he was, half dead. Life was cruel.

 

Another shower later, Alex put on his most tightly fitting black jeans and the black muscle shirt that looked as if it was glued to his body, Alex was ready as he was going to be. He made sure that lube, condoms, chocolate, and Scotch were in his attache, all nicely padded with that stupid stack of used copy papers.

 

Trying a technique that he had heard about, Alex warbled, “I feel sexy, oh so sexy . . .” 

 

Breaking into a fit of coughing, Alex had to give it up. He better hope that Skinner was into red eyed, sniffling rats or he wasn’t going to have much of a chance to thrill the man.

 

OooOooO

 

Skinner had such a nice bed and he was sleeping very heavily. Well, no wonder, he had a fifth by his bedside and several jiggers were gone.

 

Now how to seduce him . . . Ah, that bed looked so comfortable. Alex broke into another fit of coughing, waking Skinner up.

 

“I’ve come to thrill you,” Alex announced when Skinner sat up in his bed, his bare chest the focus of Alex’s very interested gaze.

 

“You mean to kill me?” Skinner asked, frowning.

 

“I’m sure that Spender said ‘thrill you’,” Alex said. “Almost sure. What the hell.”

 

“Umm,” Skinner said. “You don’t look well.”

 

“I have a cold,” Alex said, his words coming out more like ‘Ah havd ah cohhuld’ because of his plugged nose.

 

“I see,” Skinner said. “Well, I hate to interfere with your assignment. I know about deadlines and all of that. But I really can’t see having sex with you when your nose is running, you keep coughing, and I’m quite sure you are running a fever.”

 

“Yeth, that would be a problem,” Alex agreed.

 

“I could put you to bed,” Skinner said, “Make you chicken soup, and take a rain check.”

 

“That would be so nice of you,” Alex said, getting undressed and crawling into Skinner’s bed.

 

“You’re cute when you’re sick,” Skinner added.

 

“I knowd,” Alex said.

 

“Is this your bag?” Skinner said.

 

“Yeth,” Alex said. “I brought lube in case you didn’t have any.”

 

“It’s heavy,” Skinner remarked.

 

“Lot of paper Spender gave me to make notes on,” Alex explained. “Used copy paper. Cheap son of a bitch. Price of cigarettes probably taking up the budget.”

 

“Don’t I know about budget cuts,” Skinner agreed.

 

“Just stay right in bed,” Skinner said, “I’ll make you some soup. Homemade chicken soup.”

 

“Think I love you,” Alex replied, blissfully surrendering to the pleasures of a good mattress for the first time that he could remember in ages.

 

When Alex woke up, his head was a little clearer and he could smell something good. Walter Skinner stood over him with a bed tray. “You up to eating?”

 

“Soup?” Alex asked, suddenly more interesting in eating what packed those tight white briefs.

 

“Soup for now,” Walter agreed. “You wouldn’t want to sneeze or cough in the middle of a blow job.”

 

“Yes, that’s right,” Alex said. Walter Skinner was a very wise man.

 

Setting the lap tray down, Walter sat on the bed. “Eat this and you will feel a lot better.”

 

“Feel better already,” Alex said. “Up to the job in no time.”

 

“Alex, love,” Walter said. “Were you given these copy papers to use or did you get them yourself.”

 

“Spender said, take some of the used copy paper for note paper. There was a big stack on the table and I took that,” Alex said. “I was pissed off.”

 

“Hmm,” Walter said. “There’s a lot of information about Spender here.”

 

“Here, let me see,” Alex said. “Oh, yeah, it’s the mandate.”

 

“Mandate?” Walter asked.

 

“Yeah,” Alex said. “Spender went to one of those executive training seminars, came back and said we had to have a mission statement and a mandate. Makes us do strange stuff at meetings too. Like falling back into the arms of co workers. We all got bumps on the back of our heads. Like any of use would trust each other or like any of us would catch one another. Marita stabbed three co workers with her spike heels that day.”

 

“Spender’s mission statement is enough to send him to jail,” Walter said.

 

“Yeah?” Alex asked. “Very cool. Go for it, Walter.”

 

Concentrating on the soup, Alex said, “Bust’em, Walt.”

 

The cell phone rang again. Walter handed it to Alex.

 

Spender, of course.

 

“Well,” Spender asked. “Did you terminate him?”

 

“Ferment him?” Alex asked. “How the hell do I do that? Ah, fuck it. I quit. You can kiss my American ass.”

 

Walter took the phone and said, “Alex, the only one who is going to kiss your ass from now on is standing right here.”

 

Opening a window, Walter threw the cell phone high into the air, Spender’s voice still squawking into the stratosphere.

 

(As for what happened after Alex felt better . . . think warm thoughts.)

 

 

http://www.queertheory.com/histories/t/tomlin_lilly.htm


End file.
